a boy met a girl (the recap) and the letter that never was

(Entry 21 is wrote to our song…lifehouse-you and me…..).
If anyone asked me (which they do oddly enough) do you believe in love at first site…I say no…belief is choosing to accept something, love at first sight exists and there’s nothing you can do about it….
Days were long, nights even longer, I’ve felt my fair share of pain over the years, I wouldn’t wish heart break on my mortal ememy! It hurts your very soul. I once said that the love I had for this woman and the love returned held me to this planet…with that gone, I was so lost!

……………Seconds…minutes…hours…days…weeks…months and years passed and I never changed……………..

I didn’t know the date or the month, to me it was still that same day even though many had passed long ago, I was broken, my poor old battered heart was struggling along…occasionally when the world wasn’t torturing me enough I would assist and torture myself with old memories, they caused me physical pain but I forced myself to listen, to remember and see! To see how truly foolish I was! I saw myself, Highschool, shocked by beauty, college smiling with absolute joy on my face and I laughed at the memories, what a fool I was to have believed this happiness was meant for me, it was obvious, someone else was meant for it but I’d stepped in the way just before they received it and I was mistakenly getting there happiness…
After about a year, I wrote a letter, to her, I didn’t have an address so I wrote down her parents address, I wrote everything inside it, all my naked thoughts and feelings…I poured my heart and soul into the pages of that letter…sealed and stamped it remains in my home…as it will forever, it became like the love story itself…the letter that never was…
I spent years in isolation, solitude, I didn’t speak for a long time…I wasn’t happy in life…
If I could do it all over again would I change anything? Not a damn thing!!! Even to spare myself the pain?…not a DAMN thing! The pain is my only reminder that at one time in my existence, true love blossomed in the pages of my book of life…
Do I hate her?…no not at all! I’m proud of her, she followed a dream and sacrificed everything that wasn’t a part of it, yes, that included me, but I don’t blame her, angels aren’t meant to be kept hold of……..
Have I seen her since…no
Do I still love her? Until the day I die…and beyond.
Am I in love with her…no.
On New Year’s Eve 2010, in the Lake District whilst my family waited for the clock to hit midnight, I went off into the dark Forrest and cloned a mountain…and waited…10…waiting…9…8…waited…7….6…..5…almost….4…….3….I closed my eyes and lifted my head towards the sky…..2…..and I whispered….’please….please let me let her go……………1…………………..
And now, well here I stand, 24 years old, the world at my feet and dreams in my head, I’m out there looking for love…will I find it and will I…could I love her more than the butterfly…truthfully…I don’t know…we shall see…I wonder sometimes, will I see her in the future…maybe married, maybe with children and who will I be with…if she’s with someone, will that old hatred kick in or will I offer him my hand…will I look into her eyes and see an old friend or an old love…I don’t know the future and that the exciting part…I don’t know what’s around the corner, I don’t what’s infront of me, but I’m going to keep putting one foot infront of the other until I get there…

Once upon a time…a cloud fell in love with a butterfly…like the cactus and the balloon…it was an impossible love……….
They say you find out who you are in university…that’s a lie…I found out who I was in Highschool…a kid who chased love around the world until he became a man…a man who gave his best shot at being enough…a man…who smile because at one time……..he was enough……….

To the butterfly……I miss you.

To the readers…this is the true story of when I fell in love, my first name isn’t Logan, that’s to keep who I really am a secret. Thankyou for taking the time to read my story…I don’t know you, your now a part of my life…

To myself…keep putting one foot infront of the other…

Next…there will be another blog but this tale…is over. If you in love this day, I’m happy for you and I envy you, if your heart broken tonight, you will never ever get over it…but you will get used to it, if your not in love…you don’t know what your missing out on…

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