The recap…

(Entry 10. Played whilst crying to American pie 1 song-sway).

First sight:
I had my first ‘kiss’ in reception primary school, I always had girlfriends but that’s exactly what they were…friends…who were girls, I never wanted anything more from them, I wasn’t interested, I knew in my young heart that love is a sick joke, you see I was never really a child, that was stolen from me, I saw the world differently to the other kids, so the day when fate stepped into my life, and I found myself watching that play…you see the effect that truly had on me, love at first sight is real, and it is the most powerful force on this earth! It’s hard to explain, girls in my school were all pretty but I simply didn’t notice, when she lowered that mask…I noticed every single thing there was to notice, the way she stood, legs crossed right at the bottom, hands into twisted fists her go to pose of uncomfortability, her hair, I’ve never very felt the urge to smell something before in my life!!! I had to use all my strength to stay seated in my chair! Her jaw line, her eyes, her nose, her lips, her teeth and her neck, I studied every aspect that made her. The way she walked, always a skip in her step, the a rush of blood in her face when she realised people were watching (and she was literally skipping).

The meadow, the clay hole, the enchanted wood, Alton Towers, the school park. When I visit these places today, It’s as though some part of that life has been stained on these places. I can feel the memories there and it’s an overwhelming experience. Magical.

What I have to show for it all:
I kept everything she ever gave me and things that reminded me of our time together. I still have the ticket Stubbs from Alton Towers (and cinema trips). The necklace and information booklet, the college info she built up for me, photographs of our time together…and the entry she wrote in my leavers book…

I think about my time in Highschool…every…single…day…

The Last Dance:
I never got my last dance, but that night in my dreams…I did…
People spun and danced in circles all around the room, but like a beacon of the brightest light she stood in the middle of the dancing couples looking at me, I walked towards her taking in her appearance, the dress, her hair, her face, my heart was only human, it wasn’t made to be battered by this type of beauty…she held her hands out for me, I took them in mine and we embraced, she lay her head against my chest, I lay my cheek on the top of her head and slowly, we began to move side to side…it may have only been a dream…but at least I got my last dance…

Next…fancy seeing you here and the angel in the room…


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