Fancy seeing you here and the angel in the room…

(Entry 11 choked out to amberlin-inevitable).
I knew, after Highschool, college had no chance of success, none of my friends…or her attended this college, it was the fresh start I never truly wanted. I made new friends but no bonds were made. There were girls, I made it clear i was only good as a friend for anyone who showed any interest in me…life had changed dramatically and I with it, anger crept back into my life, with it frustration and distance. My evenings were spent writing (terrible) poetry in a little exercise book I got from a local shop…that and reading and re-reading the entry from my leavers book and looking at photos. In the months that past I must have hand written her a 300 hundred letters…I never sent a single one, she was living her life I was sure so who was I but some fool who couldn’t…wouldn’t…refused to move on. Nothing is more sexy than that right!!!. Home life was different my father was long gone (not dead, he’s moved in with his second family…what a guy). My mother was suffering. My brother and sister lived away. To be totally honest everyday was torture I felt lost in the world. I went back into seeking solitude and the days past without any more mention of her name…………
‘C’mon mate, this Saturday town, you’ll have a great time’. Friends from Highschool, we had all go in touch again and met up at least once a week, and now they were into going out into town on a weekend getting drunk and having the time of their young lives as well they should! For some reason I decided…’ok…I’ll be there’…I usually avoided it, me and alcohol and strangers wasn’t a good combination at that time of my life and I didn’t like hurting people…I saw too much of the old man in it. But this night I felt different and so odd we went…’The boys are back in town’…just an ordinary Saturday…nothing special what so ever, I hadn’t thought about her in months (that’s a lie but I tried not to). So imagine my surprise…imagine my almost despair even when I heard….’Jason?’…I didn’t have to turn around to know who said my name, the hairs on my arms stood on end, my brain snapped awake from it’s long slumber…my heart ached with fresh beats…I turned around and there she stood…she had grown more beautiful and it was hard to look at her and despite my previous mood…I smiled…instantly…’fancy seeing you here’ I said, she ran over and to my extreme surprise…hugged me…I almost fell unconscious, all my old senses sprang back to life, her scent, the feel of her skin on mine, it was too much for me to take, she looked so happy to see me, I just said inside my own head ‘just give up, this girl is going to be the death of you, just accept it and get on with it’. She stayed with me all night from club to club…I won’t lie, foolishly I let myself think this could be the start of us again…of course it wasn’t…it was just one absolutely perfect night…a perfect way to say goodbye…but there was no way on this earth…I was saying goodbye…
I had learned the ability to balance both life and being depressed over her absence well…no body knew I was dying inside and all was well for the most part. Me and my friends conquered the world on weekends (those are stories for another day…after the watershed).
My phone rings…I answer and say hello…’hey’ my body always reacted first to her voice then my mind did, ‘hhh…hey’ I cooly replied down the phone…can I come see you she asked…of course I said (far too eager…why can’t I be cool).
A car pulls up outside, sod being cool I run out to meet her, she’s with her friend, this girl is the driver, the butterfly gets out the car and I see her take in my new appearance, I won’t lie the look in eyes made me feel like king shit! She liked it, I had changed a lot…I had found away to put myself through tremendous amounts of pain but with a positive after effect…bodybuilding.
She touched my arm and studied my new shape and size…I’d never felt better than that moment!!!!! They both came in, I wasn’t being intentionally rude to get friend but my attention was drawn to her, this other girl was just there…she came into the house my mother was out for the evening…she sat down and the room grew brighter…there was an angel in the room and she was looking at me, we talked for a little she made fun of the music I was playing (ironically the playlist was songs that reminded me of her…I never mentioned this…her friend had to go (understandably bored of being completely ignored by this guy and her friend). The friend went outside…the butterfly said ‘would you like to do something this weekend’…’yes I’d like that’….
A date…I had a date…that night I sang loudly to every song on that entire playlist…
Next…pubs and beer make magic happen…


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